December 2nd, evening. He came into my workroom, pointed his shotgun at me and said he could kill me if he wanted to.
I called 911, he got arrested for felony assault.
2 days later I left the state, drove 3 days to get somewhere safe.
So, I am safe, adjusting to living with friends until my friend is healed from her surgery, then who knows where I will end up?
Play Nice! xxoo
I took him to his ct scan appointment at hospital his morning.
As were were backing out of the driveway, I noticed there was a package on the front porch.
Me: There is a package on the porch, do you want to go get it?
He: *insert haughty voice here* No. Fuck No.
Me: ...
He: FUCK NO!
Me: I heard you the first time.
He: I don't think you did. FUCK NO!
I did not go into the registration office with him. He doesn't need me to make sure all is correct. He's a grown man. I waited for him in the waiting room. My girl, Lori, that cuts my hair, showed up for an MRI. She knows everything that is going on. He was so pleasant to her, and she knew it was fake.
And at this particular point in time, I have no reason to hope that our relationship is worth saving. I can honestly say that I am finished here. I can do no good, time to go.
He told me last week that I would never get his house, he'd let it go to probate first.
And to think that he thinks my only motivation for staying in this relationship for 21 years was to gain possession of HIS HOUSE!
December 1st, 2021
Young Son came to see me yesterday evening.
Play Nice! xxoo
You know I told you that he is back in good standing with his golf group.
Trust me, I am thankful to have my day alone, besides the k9s, but you know what?
I am seriously not trying to be a victim here. I'll be here until I have an escape established.
He's back with his golf group, but I am still ostracized. I had zero to do with the commotion between Randy and him. Of course I didn't conspire against him.
And guess what? I'm still being punished. The innocent bystander is the culprit in this uprising against him.
Do you think he may feel a little bit of sorrow for what he's blamed me for...Nope.
A Narcissist cannot accept blame, for anything.
I cannot wait to get out of this nightmare.
Monday (two posts in one)
I have officially graduated from the status of "victim" to the status of "oh shit that bitch is pissed." I really like how this feels. No trembling.
Staying Strong, Play Nice! xxoo
I did have words shouted in my ear last night, but I shouted back. It is all just such nonsense. Normal adults don't have these conversations, right? Over a word? Over who owns this house?
I am so tired of this way of living, it can't go on much longer. Where I once was trying to be understanding to his mental bullshit, now I am angry. I think he might know it, too. He's home from golf. Not a word so far.
Here, let me update you a little bit and if I have then sorry, but my fingers have a mind of their own when it comes to the keyboard.
So, Randy, the newest guy in the golf group, somehow, after having several temper tantrums on the golf course, and when Jack finally had enough he called Randy out. Randy, being a sniveling little effer talks the group into keeping him, knowing Jack will leave.
So for a month in a half, I was blamed for this golf fiasco because I supposedly, in Jack's addled mind, coerced the golf boys to use the word "stuff" just to bug him.
The most common word.
But earlier this week he got a phone call from one of the golfers. Seems they have gotten rid of Randy for good, and want Jack to come back. Which he did, of course.
But "I" am still the outcast.
I'm still to blame, and Jack is incapable of remorse, regret, compassion, so I am still being mentally and emotionally abused. For caring about him.
I have a very logical brain. I am able to figure out complex things. It doesn't surprise me that he can't apologize. I feel so sorry for him, but I am over him at the same time. #narcissist
Changes are coming, and they are going to be in my favor.
Play Nice. xxoo
I simply cannot believe that I actually hoped that he would try to be normal for the holiday.
Impossible.
He just brought a piece of mail into my work room. It's a holiday, so no mail delivery, so he had to have squirreled away that piece of junk mail for just such an occasion.
He threw in on my desk, then got close to my ear and said, "why don't you go suck a fat cock you want and stop bothering me."
Seriously. Now he's whooping in the kitchen, probably congratulating himself and laughing with himself at what a clever thing that was to say! I kid, but honestly, it's so sad.
I just found an offer to have Hulu for .99 a month for 1 year. Sure I scooped up on that one...went to tell him, got an earful right there. He looks at me with pure hatred in his eyes.
"Why can't you get it through your head that I want you to go suck a dick you want and stop bothering me."
So, I won't bother him anymore. Not like I am trying to on purpose, he's got me so wound up I don't know which way what to do or say. I really feel that just my being here bothers him. I know for sure it bothers me!
But I promise you this. The only thing around here that sucks is his attitude. 😉😜
Earlier this week I went to a dr. appt. with him. As we were waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room, I closed my eyes and started searching inside to where I was. I'm not this quiet mouthed, submissive little bitch that he is forcing me to be. It was a successful search, but she's way down there. I'll find her, though. I will.
Next Month. Things may change next month.
Ok, back to the subject. Thanksgiving.
He pan fried steaks (KC strips) and baked potatoes. I asked him if he wanted to watch something on TV while we were cooking. His response was, "and then what?" I told him I hadn't made a back up plan and that convo was over.
We got our plates, put the dressings on the baked potatoes, and tucked in. A nicely done steak (because I timed it) and a small potato.
He put on a documentary on YouTube on his phone while we were eating.
Now don't get me wrong, I love a good wolf doc, they are amazing. I just thought that was incredibly...wait, I forgot for a moment, he doesn't have to follow any rules of any kind. He can do what he wants, when he wants.
I just found it rude. Because normal people would find that rude.
I tidied up in the kitchen while he was finishing his meal. I didn't leave him much left to do. I gathered up my cell phone and water, told him that was a very good meal in a very flat voice.
No response. And the air grew thick. I am pretty sure I am going to have words shouted in my ear tonight.
In other news, my Etsy shop and my Facebook shop have been performing very well, better than I could have hoped, honestly. I am tickled to find that other people like my style. That means everything,
Ok, it's 4:09 in the afternoon. He doesn't usually start Sundowning until around 7-8 pm.
The song I am feeling at this particular point in time.
I hope you all had a great holiday today!
Play Nice! xxoo
Every single day, when I am in the shower, I have a little convo with my good friend, God. He and I have been tight for a long time, and while I've been going through these certainly trying times in my relationship, He's who I turn to. I know He knows what is going on around here, and I know He knows that I trust Him to see me through it.
Today, a heartily prayed for request was answered.
"Sweetheart" got a call from one of the golfers this morning, seems they chased away the guy that caused the disruption in the golf group, and called my golfer to please come back and play golf with them.
I didn't get a call to join them under the Beer Tree, but it will happen, eventually, maybe.
About that, I don't care. I am just so glad that his toxic attitude is going to be out of the house for at least 3 - 4 hours a day. He won't be sitting in the kitchen glaring at me every time I walk in there.
I know I don't need to say it but I am going to because it feels good to say it out loud.
This does not change the way I feel about him in the slightest. He has treated me in such an abusive manner, that I will never feel any true love for him anymore. I don't want him to suffer, but I just don't like him like that anymore.
Really that's the bottom line. I don't like him anymore. And I can't fake that I do because, dang, that's repulsive.
The things he has said and done to me in the last few months, then wanting me to just forget about it? Boy, I'm a Virgo. We don't forget. We may forgive (doubtful at this point) but we don't forget.
Hopefully, though, being back with his golf group may settle him down a bit. I'm hoping.
By the Way, he's still crazy. I can hear him whooping (chortling laughter) in the kitchen. By himself.
Play Nice! xxoo
Happy Thanksgiving!
First of all, dang, I am sorry that...wait, no...I'm not sorry. One of these days there may be a girl like me stuck in a relationship like this and maybe she will read it and realize that she's not the only one. I for sure know I am not the only one.
His last bit of power, since he can't get any sexual gratification from me (the only power I have left) is to come and shut my workroom door.
Flex those imaginary muscles, you miserable coot.
I delivered a couple of custom cutting boards today. Each had a different recipe burnt into the boards, in the original handwriting.
I mailed a couple today, too.
I am tickled with my FB shop.
And, my Etsy shop, and for my loyal friends that support my endeavors!
I didn't tremble today. Internally or externally. I'd tell you what I think happened, but that would jinx it. I will tell you when it comes about.
