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Monday, November 29, 2021

Sunday/Monday Update

 You know I told you that he is back in good standing with his golf group.

Trust me, I am thankful to have my day alone, besides the k9s, but you know what?

I am seriously not trying to be a victim here.  I'll be here until I have an escape established.

He's back with his golf group, but I am still ostracized.  I had zero to do with the commotion between Randy and him.  Of course I didn't conspire against him.

And guess what?  I'm still being punished.  The innocent bystander is the culprit in this uprising against him.  

Do you think he may feel a little bit of sorrow for what he's blamed me for...Nope.  

A Narcissist cannot accept blame, for anything.  

I cannot wait to get out of this nightmare.

Monday (two posts in one)

I have officially graduated from the status of "victim" to the status of "oh shit that bitch is pissed."  I really like how this feels.  No trembling.  

Staying Strong, Play Nice!  xxoo

Saturday, November 27, 2021

11-27 2021

 I did have words shouted in my ear last night, but I shouted back.  It is all just such nonsense.  Normal adults don't have these conversations, right?  Over a word?  Over who owns this house?

I am so tired of this way of living, it can't go on much longer.  Where I once was trying to be understanding to his mental bullshit, now I am angry.  I think he might know it, too.  He's home from golf.  Not a word so far.

Here, let me update you a little bit and if I have then sorry, but my fingers have a mind of their own when it comes to the keyboard.

So, Randy, the newest guy in the golf group, somehow, after having several temper tantrums on the golf course, and when Jack finally had enough he called Randy out.  Randy, being a sniveling little effer talks the group into keeping him, knowing Jack will leave.

So for a month in a half, I was blamed for this golf fiasco because I supposedly, in Jack's addled mind, coerced the golf boys to use the word "stuff" just to bug him.

The most common word.  

But earlier this week he got a phone call from one of the golfers.  Seems they have gotten rid of Randy for good, and want Jack to come back.  Which he did, of course.

But "I" am still the outcast.

 I'm still to blame, and Jack is incapable of remorse, regret, compassion, so I am still being mentally and emotionally abused.  For caring about him.

I have a very logical brain.  I am able to figure out complex things.  It doesn't surprise me that he can't apologize.  I feel so sorry for him, but I am over him at the same time. #narcissist

Changes are coming, and they are going to be in my favor.  

Play Nice.  xxoo

Thursday, November 25, 2021


 I simply cannot believe that I actually hoped that he would try to be normal for the holiday.


He just brought a piece of mail into my work room.  It's a holiday, so no mail delivery, so he had to have squirreled away that piece of junk mail for just such an occasion.  

He threw in on my desk, then got close to my ear and said, "why don't you go suck a fat cock you want and stop bothering me."

Seriously.  Now he's whooping in the kitchen, probably congratulating himself and laughing with himself at what a clever thing that was to say!  I kid, but honestly, it's so sad.  

I just found an offer to have Hulu for .99 a month for 1 year.  Sure I scooped up on that one...went to tell him, got an earful right there.  He looks at me with pure hatred in his eyes.  

"Why can't you get it through your head that I want you to go suck a dick you want and stop bothering me."

So, I won't bother him anymore.  Not like I am trying to on purpose, he's got me so wound up I don't know which way what to do or say.  I really feel that just my being here bothers him.  I know for sure it bothers me!

But I promise you this.  The only thing around here that sucks is his attitude.  😉😜

Earlier this week I went to a dr. appt. with him.  As we were waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room, I closed my eyes and started searching inside to where I was.  I'm not this quiet mouthed, submissive little bitch that he is forcing me to be.  It was a successful search, but she's way down there.  I'll find her, though.  I will.

Next Month.  Things may change next month.

Ok, back to the subject.  Thanksgiving.  

He pan fried steaks (KC strips) and baked potatoes.  I asked him if he wanted to watch something on TV while we were cooking.  His response was, "and then what?"  I told him I hadn't made a back up plan and that convo was over.

We got our plates, put the dressings on the baked potatoes, and tucked in.  A nicely done steak (because I timed it) and a small potato.  

He put on a documentary on YouTube on his phone while we were eating.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a good wolf doc, they are amazing.  I just thought that was incredibly...wait, I forgot for a moment, he doesn't have to follow any rules of any kind.  He can do what he wants, when he wants.

I just found it rude.  Because normal people would find that rude.  

I tidied up in the kitchen while he was finishing his meal. I didn't leave him much left to do.  I gathered up my cell phone and water, told him that was a very good meal in a very flat voice.

No response.  And the air grew thick.  I am pretty sure I am going to have words shouted in my ear tonight.  

In other news, my Etsy shop and my Facebook shop have been performing very well, better than I could have hoped, honestly.  I am tickled to find that other people like my style.  That means everything,

Ok, it's 4:09 in the afternoon.  He doesn't usually start Sundowning until around 7-8 pm.  

The song I am feeling at this particular point in time.  

I hope you all had a great holiday today!  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Out of the Blue

 Every single day, when I am in the shower, I have a little convo with my good friend, God.  He and I have been tight for a long time, and while I've been going through these certainly trying times in my relationship, He's who I turn to.  I know He knows what is going on around here, and I know He knows that I trust Him to see me through it.  

Today, a heartily prayed for request was answered.  

"Sweetheart" got a call from one of the golfers this morning, seems they chased away the guy that caused the disruption in the golf group, and called my golfer to please come back and play golf with them.

I didn't get a call to join them under the Beer Tree, but it will happen, eventually, maybe.

About that, I don't care.  I am just so glad that his toxic attitude is going to be out of the house for at least 3 - 4 hours a day.  He won't be sitting in the kitchen glaring at me every time I walk in there.  

I know I don't need to say it but I am going to because it feels good to say it out loud.

This does not change the way I feel about him in the slightest.  He has treated me in such an abusive manner, that I will never feel any true love for  him anymore.  I don't want him to suffer, but I just don't like him like that anymore.

Really that's the bottom line.  I don't like him anymore.  And I can't fake that I do because, dang, that's repulsive.  

The things he has said and done to me in the last few months, then wanting me to just forget about it?  Boy, I'm a Virgo.  We don't forget.  We may forgive (doubtful at this point) but we don't forget.  

Hopefully, though, being back with his golf group may settle him down a bit.  I'm hoping.  

By the Way, he's still crazy.  I can hear him whooping (chortling laughter) in the kitchen.  By himself.  

Play Nice!  xxoo


Happy Thanksgiving!  

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Random Musings

 First of all, dang, I am sorry that...wait, no...I'm not sorry.  One of these days there may be a girl like me stuck in a relationship like this and maybe she will read it and realize that she's not the only one.  I for sure know I am not the only one.

His last bit of power, since he can't get any sexual gratification from me (the only power I have left) is to come and shut my workroom door.  

Flex those imaginary muscles, you miserable coot.  

I delivered a couple of custom cutting boards today.  Each had a different recipe burnt into the boards, in the original handwriting.

I mailed a couple today, too.  

I am tickled with my FB shop. 

And, my Etsy shop, and for my loyal friends that support my endeavors!

I didn't tremble today.  Internally or externally.  I'd tell you what I think happened, but that would jinx it.  I will tell you when it comes about.

New in my Etsy shop.  
I just love a good play on words.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Monday, November 22, 2021


 He's going to drive "down south" tomorrow, and "see what happens," do I want to come along?  

Wait, I want to be on a missing persons list for years, only to have my skeleton found by mushroom hunters who knows when?  

I have plans tomorrow morning.

He says, "I can wait until Wednesday, if you want to go." 

He doesn't think he's changed at all.  He doesn't think he's been abusive to me.  Says he's still the same.  

Wait, wait...20 years ago he didn't shout in my ear, or talk about sucking cock.  Quite the opposite.  

I told him I wasn't going with him.  Now he's trying to figure it out, but it won't be because...wait, wait...maybe it's ME that has changed.  I did have to chuckle at that one.

He wants me to just forget all about it, if he says it didn't happen then it didn't happen.  Period.  

So this is going to get him really frustrated, and I'd bet a shiny dollar that I will be verbally assaulted at some point this evening.

Took him to his dr. appt. this afternoon.  His kidneys are fine.  That's not where the problem is!  It's between his ears!  

Play Nice!  xxoo

New burnings in my etsy shop!

Saturday, November 20, 2021

Something New, Kinda

 Before this onslaught of mental disability descended upon him, he was such a cool guy.  Always respectful, good social standing, member of the country club here in town (used to be a privilege, not so much anymore).

I loved him so much.  I had a crush on him for 4 years before I finally got the nerve to ask him out.

So about the title...

There for awhile we were a happy, well rounded couple, with a decent sex life.

Then, as his mentality was changing, that became the most important thing to him.  And it wasn't the same.  It was all for him, if you get what I mean.   (the girls will.)

At this point in time, as of this past Thursday, there's been what I call a dramatic change in his sensibilities.

He:  Do you want to give my dick a good suck?
Me:  Uhh, no.
He:  Ok, just asking.

Yesterday  Friday
He:  Watch the dogs (which in his language is that he's going to the golf course to play by himself.)
Me:  Ok
He:  Ok what?  (this is a constant question when I respond with ok)
Me:  Go.
He:  I'll be ready for you to suck my cock when I get home.  

Last night
He:  You can come suck my cock, the carpet won't hurt your knees.
He:  *repeat carpet statement 3 more times*

This morning
He:  You are good at sucking cock, you wouldn't even need to put lipstick on.
He:  Repeat lipstick statement 4 times.

He went to golf earlier than usual, and stayed later than he has been, so I wonder if another group has taken him in.  Of course, I am not going to ask him, #1 reason is that I don't effing care.  As long as he is away I can almost stop my internal trembling and external shaking.  

I have never been through anything like this before.  Ever.  I have had bad relationships but not dealt with someone going mental!

He's home now, no words from him but I am about to go into the kitchen.  brb

Surprise, surprise. he's a dick, that, btw, isn't getting sucked unless he sucks it himself, which is where he is going to end up before too long.  

Plans in the works!  

Play Nice!  xxoo

etsy  Christmas burnings coming on Monday all through the week!  


 Tired of feeling sad, hopeless, trembly, unwelcome, and always waiting for him to attack me in a new way.  Every time he walks down this hallway my guts tense up like nobody's business.

It's mostly yelling, intimidating, and loud.  So.Effing.Loud.  No way for me to get a word in edgewise.

I am gong to get up early tomorrow, and get out of this house for a bit.  No clue where I will go, but I sure as heck not gonna hang here all morning.  

I do have a glimmer of hope on the horizon.  Can't say much because I believe in jinx.

So, here's what he thinks happened.  Regarding the golf course debacle.  

I, supposedly, told all the golf boys to use the word "stuff" around him, because that word, for some reason, sends him into a panic.  

"I've gone 20 years without hearing that word, there's no other explanation, you coerced them."

The word "stuff" is iconic in our language.  It is used everywhere, but in his world, it is an attack.

The ice in our freezer has become invisible.  I am a big fan of having lots of ice in my water, or whatever I am drinking.  I like my drinks very cold.

I wonder if "someone" is chucking the ice somewhere, just to cause me some misery?  

Jeez, now I sound like him!  I gotta get out of this place!

P.S. I know he is dumping the ice, I heard him this morning.  


Thursday, November 18, 2021


I delivered a memory box that I made for my bff's sister for her nephew.  My sister, Mary, came along for the ride.  I was happy to have the company, it's about a 30 min drive south of here.  

My sister, Mary, she is a nervous passenger.  Trust me when I tell you that she is the best kind of navigator to have.  She had neck surgery last month, still healing from that, but not even her disability to turn her head very far in any direction, she can tell me where every car/truck is on that stretch of highway we are on.  

We've traveled to Texas I think a total of 4-5 times, from Missouri.  Our Aunt Betty lived there, and we loved her like crazy.  She was our mom's sister and best friend.  Actually, most of the girls in the Baker clan were close, it was the sons that drifted away.  Funny how I just now thought of that.  

How in the hell did I get myself involved with a guy like this?  The first 10 years was so great, we raised our family, took care of our elders, had a social life...we really had it made.

And then...

His mental disability reared it's head.  I have no facts to go by, but family/friends have shared some of his earlier info.  

From what I have heard, he was heavy duty into some kind of hard drugs at school in Maryville.  His dad come to get him from one of the schools, and kept him in his bedroom for a long time.  He also schooled somewhere in new york, and before all that, his parents sent him to Military School.  

There was also a time when the kids and I came to his house after a school function.  He met us in the driveway, said his dad was in no shape for company.  So I think this might be genetic.

His Uncle Turkey (nickname), so I've heard, after his wife passed away, Uncle moved to an apartment. What I've heard is that he killed himself. 

I'm not 100% who found him.  It was either mine SO (not for much longer) or his dad.  


What will this night produce?  Full Moon eclipse.  Shifting. 


Wednesday, November 17, 2021

A Question

 This is my first time dealing with someone that I love(d) being mentally challenged.  I've been dealing with it for almost 10 years.  We've been together since 2001.

His decline started when my daughter and her family went to Germany for the first time.  My Son-in-Law is in the military.  Not that this was their fault at all.  It is just the same time frame.

If you've been keeping track of my blog, then you know what's up.  If you haven't, if you want, scroll back and catch up.

At this particular point in time (to quote an old boyfriend of my youngest sister.), 

I hate to admit it but I am scared scared scared every single day.  My legs tremble.  I am miserable.

And he is so mentally ill, and defiant.  And mean.  An emotional terrorist

What do I do?  He can act sane at the drop of a hat, but let someone say the word "stuff" he will come unglued.  "STUFF?  WHAT STUFF?"  Or "Ok"  Today, he asked me to come open the doors so he could bring our big wind chime in.  "Come open the doors so I can get the wind chime in,"  Me:  "OK"
He:  OK what.  OK what? " Each repeated question gets louder and louder.

My response:  You asked me to come open doors for you.  I acknowledged your question with a positive affirmation.  

My biggest problem, at the moment, is that the car he gave me for my birthday, is in his name.  

I know that didn't happen by accident.

If I take off to regions unknown (probably AZ, wait, most def AZ) if he reports "my" car stolen, that could get me into a world of hurt.  



Tuesday, November 16, 2021


I loved him so much, but I had no idea how to be a wife. I mean, the household chores, not anything kinky, we were good in that department,  He was my first, and I have loved him every day since I met him.

We married when I was 18.  

The history, while it means so much to me, I feel ashamed at my behavior.  I wasn't a good wife, but I did love him like crazy.  His salesman number, 311, are numbers I see a lot,  

We got back together, my daughter loved him.  

Then, of course, what was I thinking?  I am so ashamed of my behavior over these next few years.

He married one of the secretaries at his work.  He came to where I was working to tell me.  

After he passed away, his wife brought our wedding album, and some memorial things from our wedding to my dad's house.  Mom had already passed away, but he and his mother came to say goodbye before it was too late. 

That was nice of her.

At this moment I am being deluged with terrible negative comments from someone that used to tell me that he loved me.  I don't believe him anymore,  I will never believe another word he says, and I can't wait to get the F*** away from him!  


Becoming Aware

 My very best friend, my daughter, is in another country, with her military husband, and my 3 grandkids,

My best friend, Dammit Janet, passed away in 2017.

Those that I counted as friends, then, was the golf group that he played with every day since forever.  And their respective spouses.

I haven't heard from them since whenever this happened.  One boy has communicated, period.  

They finally saw what I was trying to tell them, and when they did, they turned their backs!  

I can not count them as friends anymore.  Friends don't leave friends to deal with crazy all by themselves.  Plus knowing that he is so angry, but pffft, they don't care.  

I think I am going to leave this town.  As soon as I can.  Whatever material things I have, I can get again.  To wake up in the morning, 1st of all without being woken up, but to wake up in the morning and not have to listen to know where he is in the house, and pretty much what kind of crazy is going to happen on this day.  

Pretty sure my son and a few friends would be happy to bring my most important things to me.  

Someone that lives in this house, and it isn't me, is very, very afraid of my Young Son.  Young Son made him flinch the last time they had a discussion.  

Wow, that was almost 2 years ago!  

One of my sisters still lives here in this town, but she's kinda in a mid-life crisis herself.  Maybe I'll wait to see how that plays out, if I can.

'Cos I gotta tell you, livin' with crazy ain't no fun ride. 

So, he's in the kitchen, I am in my work room.  This house (not home) is not a mansion, we can normally hear each other from each end of the house.  

*ding* a message from him (gasp)  THE DOGS NEED MORE TREATS.
Ordered today.  (aaaaasssssss)

Then, a bit later, I'm talking to a customer on the phone, and he's coming back here about being so loud.  

Dumbass, this is business.  Go sit on the patio if I am being too loud CONDUCTING BUSINESS!

One of these days I am going to be able to tell him how I really feel.  He may be dead before he'll let me get a word in edgewise, but I will take that opportunity to tell him how I really feel and I hope his soul hears it!

Now before you go getting upset about me being upset about his behavior because he's mentally impaired, I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to get him some help.  

Just now:  "You don't want me to yell fuck you, but you won't mind your own business."  
Honestly, I didn't ask him anything, except if he had a good day, which he acknowledged and answered in the affirmative.

This is what I am dealing with.  There's no gray, just black and white.  He is a


Love you all!  xxoo

Monday, November 15, 2021


 You know, when you get that sad, that you know you have done all you can for the one you really loved but they can't fathom that.  That kind of love is not in some folks  DNA, apparently.

At this moment, I am in a relationship with Jack.  I crushed on him for 4 years before I made my first  move, which I don't even know what that was.  He came to my duplex, I made chili.

He said, "let's build a log cabin and grow old together." 

We raised my kids.  Tended to the elders in our family.  His parents, my father, his girlfriend.  Mom had already passed in June, before we got together.  I prayed for Jack to come and help.

And he did.  

We lost so many family members during this time.  The rite of passage.  

At that point in time it was out with the Old, and in with the New Old.  Which is us.  

So many of our family have passed away, yet I think of them every day.  Every.  Day.  

I miss them, I remember them,.  

And I can't wait to see them again!

Wednesday, November 10, 2021


 Picked up a grocery order from Walmart this afternoon.  

Pretty quiet here after the BLAH BLAH BLAH incident on Monday.  

We/I was going to take care of our friend's dog, Isabella, from the 20th to the 26th, but our friend received a text from Jack telling him to make other plans.  It really is for the best.  Our canines are way confused as to what's going on in their world right now, they are nervous and so am I.  Why bring a stranger into the mix to make it even weirder?  

Carrying in the groceries today, he came out to the garage to help me.  My legs started trembling so bad I had to take a knee on the 2nd step.  He reached from behind me, but I had gained my balance by then.  

I understand that he has no comprehension of the pain he is causing me, because he doesn't have that empathy.  

But it does hurt me.  How can I make it not hurt?  I can't change him, but I can attempt to change myself.

Tonight, I wondered to myself, how I would feel if I was in a place that I lived in, by myself.  

The answer was, I would be so comfortable.  I could relax.  I wouldn't feel like crying. 

It's all I ever wanted, a small house just big enough for me and probably a cat.  Or two.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Tuesday, November 9, 2021


 Guys, I'm tired and weepy.

Yesterday afternoon was another tirade of hate yelled directly into my right ear, so close I could feel his spit on my cheek.  

Would the police call that abuse?  I don't know.  

I had a police officer come visit me a week ago, while "he" was at the golf course which freaked me right out.  Oh, but after the tirade that morning before he went to the golf course, I drank a beer.  On a Sunday afternoon, in my home.  

Anyway, this police officer decided that I was being irrational, "drinking all day" at 1:30 in the afternoon...I wish he could put my shoes on and see how my life feels.  I bet he would not like that one bit.  It's humiliating, it is the most alone feeling I have ever had.  

I am NOT Mother Teresa.  I have a breaking point, and I may be getting close to it.  This toxic environment isn't doing me any good.

I talked to a friend today that has some rental property, he may be able to hook me up with a sweet deal next month.  We'll see.  I ask once, and if it's forgotten, then that's that...

I know that something good is coming, after all these years of emotional abuse.  I am trying my best to not get in the way of how things should progress, but dang, this way of life is hard!  

I'm not sleeping very well, my guts are in knots, I have an inner body tremble, my hands are shaking, and my knees are weak.  

This is me, every day.  Hiding out in my work room or my bedroom.  Cringing when I hear him walk down the hall...slamming his bedroom door (that he does not sleep in, he prefers the sofa, weirdo) so hard that it shakes the house...

I told my friend today that I am sure everyone is tired of hearing my same old poor me song, but dammit, this is new to me, too.  Every day is just another trip down Crazy Lane for him. 

To have someone I loved just turn into a terrible, awful person right before my eyes.  It's taken 9 years now, and I promise you there is no getting better.  And I have no freaking idea how it is gonna end up.  

I don't think I am at the end of my rope, I feel that I can still stand strong, but dang, I'm sad and I'm tired.  

Play Nice!  xxoo


Sunday, November 7, 2021

Weekend November 6 & 7

 You know, y'all...I do not like conflict.  I try to be very kind, understanding, all those good things, to other people, because that's how I want to be treated.  I believe that if we do nice, good things, that we will be repaid in kind.

This 100% tension in this house is so damaging.  Part of me wants to curl up in a ball on the floor, while the other part of me is like, "nope, we ain't doing that."  

I am trusting that this is all going to work out exactly as it is supposed to.  My guides tell me not to force it, let it flow naturally..., I am tired.  

I am tired of all of it.  This relationship is finished, done, there is no coming back, no making up.  

My next step will be getting the heck out of this house, leaving all the negative vibes and toxic energy that only a dysfunctional family can leave behind.

  But for now, I am miserable, and I am making plans.  Pray for me, my strength.  


Thursday, November 4, 2021

A Solution?

 Yesterday he came back to my work room and said, "You know, we could fuck, you could come out in the evenings and watch tv, but only if  you want to."

I told him that there were some issues that I felt needed to be resolved, which was interrupted by him saying that there would never be a resolution.  

And that was the truest thing he has ever said in his life.  

After that, he showed some signs of concern for me where there was no need for that nonsense.

"Did you sigh?  I thought we weren't going to do that anymore." 
Me:  ??? 
Then he says, "I don't know I don't know," and walks out of my work room.  

A little bit later, like maybe 5 minutes.  
"Did you just groan?  Do you have a cramp?"
Me:  ???  No.  I don't recall groaning.
"I thought I heard you groan."

So, I know what the heck he is doing.  He is wanting to get his dick wet.  I know him so well, except for his crazy Mr. Hyde abomination.  I blame his parents.

Anyway, after I was finished with my things that I do during the day, I went to my bedroom, got comfy under the covers, YouTube on the tv, both canines hanging with me...

Then he pops his head in my bedroom.  (Effing Creeper)
He:  Have you made your decision?
Me:  Not yet.
He:  I need an immediate decision.  Are you my girlfriend or estate sitter (pffft)?
Me:  I guess I am an estate sitter (pffft).

Not much interaction between us, I ran an errand and picked up something for him.  No big deal.  I brought the trash cans back up to the house yesterday.  I am still a functioning member of this household.  

If he will just leave me the heck alone, and not try to blame everything on me...which doesn't affect me at all anymore...

I want him to just leave me be.  This is my prayer.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Tuesday, November 2, 2021

My Sister

 I have 2 sisters.  1 am the oldest, MB is the middle and KA is the youngest.

MB is the sister that lives in the same town that I do.  She moved here first, I followed a couple years later.  So far I have lived in this town since 1997.  

She had surgery on the vertebrae in her neck recently.  She's still wearing a neck brace, probably will for another month.  Luckily her place of employment was more than willing and able to give her the time off she needed.  She couldn't have carried on, otherwise.  

The company she works for has only been in business for 10 years.  This is the "control group" for physical limitations caused by repetitive movement.  My sister is not the only one that has suffered from it.  The company is more than happy to provide a solution to whatever problems arise.  I appreciate them for that.

We split an Everything Bagel with cream cheese, and watched "The Crazy Lamp Lady" videos on YouTube.  She's a chick that goes to thrift stores to buy things to resell on ebay.  I seriously love shopping in thrift stores, knick knacks are my weakness, the most strange, original pieces, love, love, love.

As far as my household is concerned, my living arrangement, so to speak...

Nothing has changed.  There is still such an animosity in the house.  I didn't tell him where I was going today, he threw a bit of a text hissy fit, but seemed to calm down when I texted him that I didn't want to be yelled at when I got home.  But I gotta say, my ding dang knees were trembling, and that just pisses me off like crazy.  I say my prayers for strength as I come in the house when he is here, but physically I am a freaking trembling, shaking, unsure human being, and dammit, I am tired tired tired of feeling this way.

I know this isn't normal.  I know that dread is not the first emotion I should be feeling as I wake up in the morning.  

I am walking on a tightrope directly over a pit of eggshells.  

Lord, I'm praying for the balance only you can give.  

Play Nice.  xxoo

Monday, November 1, 2021


Do y'all really think that he has no clue what he's doing to me?  I think he full well does.   And that just makes it more irritating.  

I have wanted out of this relationship just as soon as these "behaviors" made an appearance.

10 years ago.  

Can you imagine walking on eggshells all that time?  Can you imagine that the word "stuff" could cause a full blown temper tantrum?  Can you imagine watching this all happen, unable to help or even acknowledge what is happening.  

Today I was in the kitchen cooking a can of soup for my meal.  He couldn't even stop whispering to himself for the 10 minutes I was in the kitchen.  And of course, once I leave the kitchen, I hear mumbles and then that sound he makes.  "Caaaaahhh"


It's an endless loop.  Over and over and over...

Both of our dogs can feel the tension.  I try to be very loving to them, and he does, too...but they are catching the tension between he and I that they are feeling, and they do not like it.  

Made it through the weekend, with just a couple of upsets.  

Play Nice.  xxoo