Day After our Road Trip

He was friendly this morning.  Answered a question.  

He was friendly at the golf course under the Beer Tree.

We were going to get take out, but he decided to "Hodge Podge" which means we just fend for ourselves.

Totally cool with that, I usually have shrimp in the freezer.  I got it out and put it in cold water in a bowl to defrost.

While I was in the kitchen, I asked him what he was gong to have.  

"Brisket Sandwich."  (He has been buying a pound of brisket from the grocery store deli every week for more than a month.)

Back Story:  He removes the brisket from the zip loc bag that it comes from the deli in.  Then he wraps the brisket in aluminum foil, and then...places it in a gallon sized zip loc plastic bag.  

I'm in my work room.  He came down the hallway.  He said, "I don't know, what are you gonna have?"  

Of course my response was, "Wait, what?"  

"Wait what what?  What?  What are you gonna have?"

I went to the kitchen, while he was sitting at the table.  I took the tails off my shrimp and put them in a zip loc bag.  I sprinkled Old Bay seasoning on them, and put them back in the fridge. 

Note:  I did not put the tails from my shrimp into a ziploc  bag. That makes no sense at all!  The tails went into a undisclosed grocery store bag.  

Shrimp is my favorite meal, and I'm not going to eat it across the table from this old parsnip.
*my apologies to anyone in the parsnip community*

Play Nice!  xxoo

Woot Woot, come see my etsy shop!  

Road Trip

We had to go to a town about 11 miles from us to return a shipment from Amazon.

Of course, he wanted to go to Culvers, which we did, but went through the drive through, I'm not sitting out in public with him.

So, that went ok, I was pretty quiet, 'cos I never know when he's gonna bite my head off.  

Everything was cool until about 5 minutes ago.

"Why are you in my house and what do you think you are doing?"  He's not asking this because he doesn't remember, he's asking this to make me feel unwelcome.  

I told him,  "I am here because I've been here forever, and you and I help each other.  We always have."

His reply..."I don't get it." *cue the circus music!*

Then he cheerfully called the canines outside to sit with him while he talks to someone that I can't see.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Come see!

 

Feeling a Shift

 I am feeling a shift in my attitude.   Not so anxious today.  I was able to get some things done.  I was creative.  

It appears that I am fine to talk to under the Beer Tree at the golf course.  After that, I am responsible for everything wrong that has happened to him today...and tomorrow...you get it, and not worthy of conversation.

Out of all the people in this big old world, he is blocking out pretty much the only 2 people that actually care about him.  Me, and Darling Danielle.  He already burned his bridge with Young Son.

Hey, have you been to my Etsy shop?  

Play Nice!  xxoo

An Old Memory

 Hanging in my work room, 70's soft rock playing in the background, a very old memory popped into my head.

My dad was an over the road truck driver for Western Auto when I was a kiddo, probably 4.  Mom and Dad and me had gone to visit one of his friends from work, Riddle was their last name. 

Now this is way back in the day that you could let kids play outside after dark, usually just in their backyard, especially with company there.

I remember sneaking over to the neighbors house, climbing up the steps to the screen door in back.  

I peeked in.  And immediately knew I shouldn't have done that...but guess what?  

Yep, I did it again, and then I ran back to where my folks were, and stayed inside.

Thank you for reading, that was a blast from my past.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Etsy

Sunday 9-12-2021

 The saga continues.  And October is almost here.  

You know,  I have been putting up with this bull shit treatment from him for a long, long time.  Almost 9 years now, of our 21 years together, the last 9 years has been the absolute worst of my life.  

He told me the other night that he didn't want me living here if I wasn't his girlfriend.  

Just let me tell you right now, that our intimacy is for his benefit only, and I am not going to bring the subject up.. Trust me, I would rather just go to bed by myself and get a good night's sleep.  I would LOVE to wake up in the morning without the first emotion being anxious, listening to see where he is in the house and what he is saying, which sometimes will give me a clue where his mentality is that day.  

It's never a good morning around here.  If I go out to the kitchen and say, "good morning," in a "let's have a good day" kind of voice, he'll mumble, "yeah it's a morning," "or he will yell something about the dogs, just to shut me up.

But...If I come into the kitchen and don't say anything to him, I get the stink eye and the rest of the day I am shaky and anxious.

I have got to get out of here.  I am absolutely concerned about my sanity and physical health.

Please, pray for me.  xxoo  

Etsy

The Escape of Mario

 These are my canines.  Maria is a Pom/Sheltie, and Mario is all the terriers in the entire world mixed into one glorious Terrier.

Both are rescues from our local animal shelter.  They are great dogs.  I've had Maria for 6 years, and Mario for 5.  I just love them so much.  They are so smart, and they know us and our habits so well.

Today, for some reason, our gate to the backyard was open when I came home from the golf course.   I didn't notice it because I'm all caught up in the turmoil of my whatever he is next mood swing.

Maria, being the little angel that she is, stayed in the back yard.  Mario, however, set off on an adventure.  I headed one way around the block, whatever he is went the opposite direction. 

 Both of us yelling "MAR-EEE-OOO." Because when you dog is missing, you holler for it to come home.

Of course, yelling at the top of our lungs is bound to get some neighbors involved.  I was about half way around the block, when I turned to go back home.  One of us needed to be there when he came back.

So, I am sweating, huffing and puffing, when I see the neighbor lady point, and there he was! 

I called him and he came running like he'd been lost for hours!

So here's where the crazy part comes in.  Of course it is about whatever he is.  

We were a team effort to find our dog.  I tried to extend that to having a sit on the patio.  Nope.  

Totally ignored.  And honestly, I am the only person in this world that cares for him.  Well, used to.

Not so much now.  Like, really, zero cares.  

I have big things coming up, I don't know what they are yet but I can feel they are coming, as soon as I can shed this craptastic life for one that I will enjoy.  I figure I have about 40 more years left.  I want them to be awesome!

Play Nice!  xxoo

Wait, What?

 Today, like most days, I cruised up to the golf course to have a couple beers under the beer tree with the guys.  

One by one, they take off, until just 3 of us were left.

Myself, whatever he is, and a good friend, Tommy.

Tommy's wife is not well.  She has pretty bad dementia.  I asked Tommy if she was combative or mean.  He said no.  

Then, my whatever, said, "Oh, yeah, that's really bad if they get mean."

My freaking jaw hit the floor.  I was absolutely flabbergasted.  

So I looked right at him and said, "It really is hard when they get mean."  Honestly, I doubt that he made the connection.  

Because let me tell you, this guy, he's mean.  He's not physical, much, probably because he knows I would tell my son.  But emotionally, I am being put through the wringer.  

Not for much longer, though.  I'm not quite sure what is going to happen, but I know it's gonna be big and it's gonna be great!  

This is the next cigar box, I'm listing it as soon as I post this.  

This one is lined with a faux leather/plastic.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Getting Older

 I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had made a different choice.  

But then, I think, I love my kids, and I love my grands.  So why would I have done anything different back then?  

Now, though...my kids are grown.  Of course they still need me, but they aren't dependent on me.

In my mind, I have done my maternal duty.  I've been a good mom, I've raised 2 good kids, I have 3 grands that I love to death.  I want to help him, my whatever he is, but he blocks me at every turn,.  

His undiagnosed illness is affecting me in a huge way.  I don't like being on an emotional yo-yo.

The word I was looking for is "outgrown."  I've outgrown him.  I don't want to keep on having the same old conversations, word for word.  Every. Single, Time.

He started telling the golf boys about my hematoma back in 2005.  I cut in, saying they have heard this story a hundred times, but he still told it, word for word.  16 years ago, and he's still telling the story!  

So here's my dilema:

• He has helped me raise my kids, but never bonded with Gator.  
  
• he's been good to Danielle and her family.
• He has been supportive in my crafty endeavors
• He pays all the bills, and has provided me with cars of my own.

But for the last 9 years, his mental capacity has dwindled.  He is still able to play golf with his friends, but with me, he is angry, ugly, mean, probably everything he is feeling with his mentalities are  damaged.

He is very moody.  I have to be very careful as to how I approach him.  And I still go to bed every night praying that I wake up the next morning.  I have grands, I can't leave now!

Soon.  Very soon.  I am going to be able to live the life I have been wanting for so long.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Results of Prayer and Positive Vibes

 I woke up this morning with 2 orders from my FB shop!  I got an order for two burnings from a new friend I met in my neighborhood on Friday, so this girl is feeling pretty blessed right now.

No words have been spoken between he and I since yesterday afternoon.  And all that was to thank him for getting my sparkling water.  I don't like regular tap water, especially out of 30 year old pipes.

Took my canines for a walk this afternoon.  The high temp is about 80 degrees F, so quite comfortable.

I posted this in my Etsy shop this afternoon. 

Play Nice!  xxoo

 PS, if you want to share my Etsy shop with any of your friends or relatives, well, I would be tickled

Quirks

 Hey!  Thought I would do a bullet list  just a few of his strange quirks.  Believe me, there are more!

He does not want any trash in the trash can appointed to the bathrooms.  The trash cans in my bedroom and work-room are fine to use. 

He just now cleaned the toilet in "his" bathroom.  That is supposed to be my cue to clean mine.  Guess what?  

Nothing has been said about dinner.  I tried to start a conversation earlier and was met with a lot of yelling and some really toxic vibes.  

So, I'm just gonna do what I do.  Hang out in my work room and go to bed when it's time. 
Pray that I wake up in the morning.

~~~~

Yay!  Woke up this morning!  

Today is his birthday.  I have not mentioned it.  

He gives the dogs baby carrots.  Baby carrots come from the grocery store in a zip lock bag.  He must transfer the baby carrots from the zip lock that they came in, into a ziplock bag that he purchased, and will throw away after all the baby carrots are gone.

When he buys food from the deli in our grocery store, it comes in a zip lock bag.  When this deli meat enters our home it is immediately transferred to a sheet of aluminum foil, folded in on all four sides, then placed in a zip lock bag, that he purchased, and will throw away after all the meat is gone.

He locks the bathroom door to do #2.  I've never walked in on him.  He always does #2 in "his" bathroom, but he will pee in the utility room bathroom with the door open.  

I can't make this "stuff" up.  See what I did there?  I gotta keep my sense of humor in there somehow.  I haven't had a good laugh in I couldn't tell you when the last time was.  

I can tell you that this relationship, the way it turned out, was the worst thing I could have anticipated.
I ignored the red flags.
I hoped for the best. 
I tried and tried and tried...and now I'm tired.

On a high note, because I still count my blessings.  I made a new friend in the neighborhood yesterday, and today she ordered a couple pieces from my etsy shop!  I am really looking forward to getting to know her a little better.  It would be so nice to have a friend just around the block.  

I've been so lonesome the last couple years.  Dammit Janet gone 4 years in just a few days, Darlin' Danielle and my g-kids in Germany for 3 more years...

Now, don't get me wrong.  I have a tribe of cyber friends, that I cherish in my heart.  They know me better than any one single person on the planet, besides my kids, and they don't as much as they think they know.

This Just In:  After a trip to the kitchen, this reporter found that her whatever he is laying on the family room floor.  There will be no further actions, nor interacting with said whatever he is.  

In most habitats, especially when you share a home with someone that is never wrong, these above mentioned tactics are equivalent to what a person would call, a "tantrum."  

When dealing with a Toddler having a tantrum, it's advised to help them figure out what is frustrating them.  

When dealing with an Adult (which I do not recommend), one smidgen of attention will give them all the allowance they need to blame every single solitary thing that has ruined their lives on anyone but themselves, but usually, their partner.  Understand that they will continue to be what people think they are in public, but at home it is an entirely different situation.  They will punish, degrade, belittle the people that actually care (or cared) about them.  

Their absolute disrespect and contempt they show the people that care for them is toxic.  Unless they want something, which is usually something that satisfies them.  They don't care about anyone else.  

5:32 pm on September 3, 2021
He just came into my work room, and yelled, "GO TO HELL!  DO YOU HEAR ME?  GO TO HELL!

 Please understand, I am not trying to be a victim or a martyr.  I'm just sharing what is going on in my life at this moment.  I'm not asking for anything, except your understanding of what I'm going through.  Maybe some female in your life is dealing with the same thing.  We don't like to talk about it because we'll be found out and punished.  Luckily, hopefully, my whatever he is has no idea how to get to this site.  

I'm adding some boxes to my etsy shop, but probably not until tomorrow.  I need to have a nice lay down and breathe session.  

Thanks for reading, and Play Nice!  xxoo 

PS  I am always going to regret not getting a nanny cam.

Just another day

 But it really isn't.  Today is his birthday.  His 66th.  I've not mentioned it nor will I.  

Went up to the golf course to have a couple beers with the boys under the shade tree.  Didn't much acknowledge him there...I mean, if you want to park 5 feet behind me, I'm certainly not going to crane my neck to have a whatever conversation with someone that slams doors and has tantrums over hearing the word "stuff."  

Honestly, I just can't be bothered.  He just asked me a question while slamming his bedroom door in a loud and obnoxious way.  I said, "what, I didn't hear you," but he just kept on walking, cheerily calling the dogs to go sit outside on the patio with him.

Now what I am supposed to do, is to come out to the patio, to try to ease him into a better mood. This whole incident would absolutely be turned around so that I would be defending myself.  He's slick like that.  I have him figured out now, though.  

If I did that, he would immediately go into what I call "Tantrum Protection Mode."  I wouldn't get a word in edgewise, and he'd feel free to yell at me.  And when he "yells at me" I mean he is down right mean.

He:  Why don't you just go to bed? (at 7:30.  I'm not going out to the family room for TV tonight.)
He:  Why are you still in my house?
He:  Don't you want a boyfriend that you want to do things with? 
He:  NO NO NO!  I DO NOT AGREE!  INTIMIDATE!  YOU ARE INTIMIDATING ME WITH YOUR WORDS!  

So, nope, not going out there right this minute, or anytime soon.  I am my number 1 priority right now.  And I know that things out there are aligning for me.  I know that everything is going to happen at the exact time it is supposed to happen.  

I found out earlier today that one of my closest friends has been reading my blog.  Hey, Pambler!  Just knowing that she knows what's really going on around here, she's local, and she's loyal, is a comfort to me.

There are a few of my friends that I confide in, mostly cyber friends and of course my Darlin' Danielle. I know I'm in a needy place right now and I appreciate the support.  It/I won't always be like this.  I am thinking positive thoughts about my next move, because come on, we all know it's coming.  It has to.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Manifesting

 I've been seeing some really good signs that there is something big coming my way.  Synchronicities have been happening, even some of the things folks have posted on FB seem to be especially for me.  

So, about manifesting, the way I understand it is that you make an intention, and God/The Universe, etc can and will make this become your reality.

Gotta be careful, because while you're doing it, you must keep your thoughts as positive as you can.  You can't be growling about yesterday, it's just getting in the way of today.

As you know, my life and living conditions are not sprinkled with sugar these days.  
But I'm still getting up every morning, and I'm setting those intentions.  I'm seeing them happen in my head.  I want this so badly, and have for so long, it has get to be getting close to getting here.  

I'ma keep hoping, believing, and manifesting until it happens.  

Oh, here's a cigar box I've done.  One of my favorites!  Come take a look at my shop!  

There is organization in the chaos of the background.

Play Nice!  xxoo