Monday. A new week, a new start

 Tomorrow marks the beginning of the silent treatment.  This punishment began on July 7th.  

At this point he has no idea what to do.  

I am feeling somewhat paralyzed in my body, like I have things to do, but I am so on edge I can't seem to concentrate fully.

I gotta let my soul get used to watching out for just the two of us.  Sad as it makes me put it into words, I was not put here in this life for this misery to be my ending!  

So here's my perception.

As my children's mother, I did what had to be done to afford them a wonderful childhood.  

20+ years later, my kids are grown, living their lives, and here I am, getting the silent treatment for whatever offense I committed that deemed the silent treatment...

And, while I know that going through this process of what he will probably call, "The End Of The Partnership," is gonna suck and neither of us are going to have a good time, but at the same time...

I CAN'T WAIT!

At this point, it's like I am living with his dad.  He reprimands me like a child.  I have so much dislike in my system from him and his toxic negativity, but at the same time, as stretched thin as it is, I still have a pang of sorrow, because most of his history is terrible, abusive towards him and his mother, by his father.  

That doesn't mean that I have to go through it to the very end.  You haven't lived with him, you don't know what he's like at home.  

In my way of thinking, I feel that my kids and I gave him a family, for as long as he would allow it.  He was a great role model for Darlin' D, but not so much my Young Son.  

He treated Young Son like his dad probably treated him.