Another day of no speaking. This makes day 21...
There is one thing that is getting me through these days, and that's the knowledge that my lifetime of being employed since I was 16, I can start reaping the benefits of that. It is a glimmer of hope that I've not had.
I don't feel that I need to apologize for being gloomy and emotional. We all go through different phases in our lives. My sister didn't think her relationship would end after 20 years. But it did.
And I didn't think that mine would end at any time, but truth be told, my relationship, for the last 10 years, has been a freaking, mental rollercoaster.
I know there is something wrong with him, mentally. I know he was abused as a child.
I also know that I do not deserve to be treated like this. I don't deserve to feel trembly all day, while he is out playing a game, then to feel a huge amount of dread when he gets home.
Last night, I wrote a few descriptive words to describe how he feels to me.
- Toxic
- Hateful
- Mean
- Paranoid
- Jealous
- Awful
- Disrespectful
As I am typing this, he is telling himself something funny, and listening to songs on YouTube that he tries to sing along...at the moment is is "One Tin Soldier."
Play Nice! xxoo
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