Truce

 It had been 30 days on August 6th, and I have to admit, the tension and the toxicity around here was taking a physical toll on me.  I was weak, shaky, and just did not feel good at all.

He came home from golf.  I asked him if he was tired of all this yet.  He said, "We can call a truce."

A truce means that he does not have to acknowledge nor talk about his actions the last few days.  

A truce means that I have to swallow my indignation at being treated that way.  

But, a truce means the tension is lighter, and I'm feeling better.  Physically that is.  Emotionally, not to be a drama queen, but emotionally I am still pretty crushed by the hate and disrespect that he has shown me...

Then I have to remember, diagnosed or not, I know he has a mental imbalance.  I know this is beyond his feeble control.  And every chance he gets to stay in control, he is gonna take.  

So, the next time that he gets a notion that he can say whatever he wants to me, I am going to follow suit.  The next time (and you know there will be one) I am not going to be the quiet, take it, girl.  Being quiet didn't work, so maybe I'll just pull out as much crazy as he does and let him have it!  Can't hurt, right?  

I know no one is reading my posts now, and that's ok, it's more of an outlet at this point anyway.  

Who knows, maybe some person will stumble across it and maybe it will help them through something they are going through.

Whatever, I am going to keep updating about this.  I have a feeling that we are on the downward slope in this illness, and when the time is right, I'll have some friends to help me.  I don't think it will take very much longer.  

Ultimately, wouldn't you think that he knows something is wrong?  I mean, maybe not?  Maybe seeing people that I can't and having conversations with them seems normal to him.  It has been 8 years that this has been going on and it isn't getting any better.  

So, Pray for Me, for strength and kindness, and Play Nice!  xxoo