You Know...

 ...all I had to do was have sex with him.  

I am sitting here in my kitchen, looking at my home, with my belongings that have belonged to me for forever, and that thought popped into my head.  It's not the first time, but today I gave it a little more thought.

I wouldn't have been homeless for a year, but I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be at my sister's when her boyfriend was so sick and ultimately passed.  

I'd probably still be drinking.

I wouldn't have been worried about money, but I wouldn't have had the opportunity and blessing to have the relationship with my son that is growing as he matures and heals from his wounds, physically and mentally.

 I wouldn't be where I have always wanted to be.  In a tiny little apartment, by myself, with all the things I choose.  

And, Greg.  I would have never met and fallen in love with Good Boy Greg. 

Most importantly, I wouldn't be happy.  

I am happy.  I can breathe freely.  There are still a few loose ends to tie up, and they will be in time.  Until then, I get to become who I am now.  

I'm calling this my "Chapter 3."

Chapter 1 - Growing up
Chapter 2 - Working / Parenting
Chapter 3 - All About Me

I know that sounds selfish, but dang, I've been everything for everyone and that's just a fact.  We all have been, I'm not the only one.  

(Side note:  I will always want to help my family/friends in any way that I can.)

It's time for me to be who I really am,  and time at this stage of the game, is pretty precious to me.

My grandkids are far away and growing up so fast!  They haven't seen me in person for it feels like forever, but probably 4 years.  They are coming to visit this Summer and I can't wait to see them!  

And I want to be the real grandma, not the deep down scared one they used to know.  Honestly, I hid it well from them at least, I think.  They may not notice a diff, but my daughter will!  

Anyway, back to the subject...

I am so glad I didn't have sex with him.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

PS  (We did have a nice sex life at one time, but his actions outside of the bed made it impossible for me to be intimate with him anymore.  That was the real root of his frustration along with his mental and behavioural conditions.  I didn't use it as a tool against him, I just couldn't.  Even now, just the thought...nope.  My heart won't let me.)

PS  Also, my 1 year of sobriety anniversary was Friday.  I am amazing.